Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
