Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
