I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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