and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BRING THE BAGELS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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