...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
