so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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