No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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