woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
