batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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