420 ftw
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
