so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize