Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't put those talents on a resume
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
