I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
