i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
