I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
