I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
