the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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