You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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