this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
