And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
