why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
