He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
