Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
