"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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