You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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