Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
