You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
