Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
