She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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