if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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