just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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