That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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