Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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