WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
