rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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