Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
