don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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