Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
