My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
