If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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