her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
