Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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