was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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