I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
