all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
