The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
