Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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