I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
