So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
