if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
