Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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