Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
