he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
