so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
