Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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