I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
