my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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