I bet he comes in French.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
