how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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