How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
