I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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