you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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