Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
