Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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