why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
