My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize