Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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