so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
