He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize