So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need water and some morals
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
